It's over....

Seriously. No, I can't believe it either. I didn't see it coming at all. WTF? Was our relationship perfect? No. Was Rodney always Mr. Wonderful? No. Was I always flawless? No. Was it good enough to keep investing time in? I thought so. He's going on tour for 5 months. So we are over for now. I thought maybe there would be a chance later down the road to see if there was still something between us, but he left me sitting at a table in a restaurant crying my eyes out to go socialize. Left. Me. Sitting. There. So I walked out. And that was it.

Please do me a favor. If I call you, IM you, e-mail you or text you about how I've met the most special, thoughtful, wonderful man.... just slap me. Hard. I need to learn. Slap some sense into me. Remind me that I've got a great life and a lot going for me and I don't need a guy who's going to hide his true colors until he's sure I've fallen hard.

I have some advice for everyone out there, just in case you are interested in hearing what I have to say. I do consider myself somewhat of an expert on dating since I've done so much of it. Here it goes...

When someone is very particular or sensitive about how they are treated by others, be wary that they are in fact too worried about that to notice that they are most guilty of being rude and inconsiderate themselves. Who gets up and walks away from a girl who's crying because her heart is breaking? Who. Does. That? Is that someone I'd want to wait five months for? No.

I took pictures, I scrapbooked, I ordered custom gifts.... I lived and breathed the possibility of something great. I must be insane.

Where is the guy who is going to think he's lucky to have me? Isn't that what every woman wants? I want a guy who's just going to wonder what he ever did to deserve me. I know I'm not perfect. But I'm not that bad am I? I try really hard to be someone that I can be proud of. I try really hard.

I've been listening to Kelly Clarkson for the past three days. She has anger down to a science. She rocks. This song has really been speaking to me. One Moment....

You're going crazy
Running on empty
You can't make up your mind
You try to hide it
But you have to say it
Restless all this time,
So completely drained from every thing that`s in your life,
It`s so wrong but you had to scream every thought you kept inside,

[chorus]
one minute you laugh
The next minute you are slowly sinking into something black
I get the feeling that lately
Nothing ever really lasts

I keep trying to get up
but I keep falling back
in your love, in your hate, and you wait
one minute goes fast

you can't just escape it
You are losing patience
you wonder what went wrong
everything changes
Happy then jaded,
ohh, it's a different song
Playin` in your head when you think you got it down
Out of nowhere you realize it`s different music playing now

[chorus]
one minute you laugh
The next minute you are slowly sinking into something black
I get the feeling that lately
Nothing ever really lasts

I keep trying to get up
but I keep falling back
in your love, in your hate, and you wait
one minute goes fast
One minute goes fast
One minute goes fast

[chorus]
one minute you laugh
The next minute you are slowly sinking into something black
I get the feeling that lately
Nothing ever really lasts

I keep trying to get up
but I keep falling back
in your love, in your hate, and you wait
one minute goes
one minute goes
one minute goes fast

So that's all for now. Turning up Kelly Clarkson now.....